Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
A+ Viking dick
Randomize
