A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
high people should be assigned attendants
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
