You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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