I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
