Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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