Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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