it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
