I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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