She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
