Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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