I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
