i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
