feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize