she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
