So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
