she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
