i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
