I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
