dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
