I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
