Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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