I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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