Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
