i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
