Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
