when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
