Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
