no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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