At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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