Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
