I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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