She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
