your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
