thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize