i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
