So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
