Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
