I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
