so explain again why im purple
no
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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