i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Randomize
