You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
