i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
