when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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