well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
