I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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