My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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