I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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