I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
