Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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