Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
