stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize