If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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