There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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