dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize