Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
