Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Randomize
