I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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