Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
