Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
