this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
