I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
