You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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