The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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