i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I need moral support for this bender
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
