Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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