You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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