My underwear smells like fireworks.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
