dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
