dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
