I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
