i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
