Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
