Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
